The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
