soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
They have beer where we have blood.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
