I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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