Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
