I got chris browned last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
