wanna go halves on a baby?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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