I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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