that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
