Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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