DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
