She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
