If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
