you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
