i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
