Soap is not a condiment
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
