We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
