I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
one might say we're banned from that church
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
