Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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