You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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