A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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