Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
