Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
