Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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