I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
