i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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