She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
