carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you would pick up someone in the library
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
