Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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