i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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