I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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