Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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