You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
