Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
