I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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