I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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