Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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