Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
