Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
