I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
