I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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