I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
