i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
