im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
