How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
