the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
