Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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