he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
