she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
