another moral hangover. fuck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
