I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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